Once you and your partner have reached a level of intimacy that allows both of you to discuss masturbation, you may enjoy masturbating together.
It may be accomplished a couple of different ways.
Some people like to watch each other while they masturbate. Or, one partner prefers to watch the other while they masturbate. Or, you may enjoy masturbating each other, generally using some massage techniques.
Communication in advance can be the best extra prop that you bring to the table.
When you talk about your comforts and discomforts, what feels good, what accessories you’re accepting of, are you going to use lotions or potions or lubes, any other kinds of sexual accessories you’re going to bring – that should all be discussed upfront before you get to the bedroom.
You always want to respect your partner’s wishes too. It’s good to have a safe word that you can use in case any of your sexual play gets out of hand, or if you feel frightened or scared or out of your comfort zone.
And it’s best to use a word that doesn’t come up during love games.
So that leaves out the words ‘yes’, ‘no’ and ‘stop’ because those should be part of your fun play.
You’re going to try to think of something that would never come up in usual bedroom talk.
We suggest using a word like ‘broccoli’ since that is a word that is rarely discussed in the heat of passion.
It definitely puts a stop on the whole love atmosphere so go for something like that.
You don’t want to ruin the mood or move out of the love zone if you don’t have to, but, you know ‘broccoli’ will do that for most people.
For any new experimentations that you are going to do, be sure that you are creating a comfortable atmosphere and a sensually pleasing environment.
Think of all the senses. Think of soft fabrics, romantic scents, candles, soft music, etc.
Consider showering or bathing together first. It’s really a fantastic start to romance and relaxation.
And this is an exercise to explore new pleasures. So intercourse, in this particular case, is not the goal.
Keep that in mind. We’re going for pure passion and pleasure.
Try not to focus on climaxing at all. Or try not to focus on even bringing your partner to orgasm.
What you’re going to do is enjoy the pleasurable experience, find out what the new sensations you can create are.
And concentrate on finding the pleasures that work best for the both of you and then you can pull them into the rest of your passion play.
In addition to building on the things, you are experimenting with now together. So whatever your preferences are, a good part of the key is to vary the techniques.
It’s great to know that you can bring yourself to orgasm in five minutes or less. But this time we’re going for a lot more relaxed, enjoyable experience.
This isn’t a race.
We’re looking for the best types of stimulation that feel the best. And the only way you can do that is to run through everything you can think of.
Here are a few favorites to try on the ladies (remember to use a lube, special massage oil or an edible product for even more fun) :
We are limiting this to a hands-on experiment so these are some specific instructions you can use to stimulate your female partner:
You’re going to get down to the vulva area (the entire area between her legs) and start out just circling around the clitoris with your finger.
Some women find direct clitoral stimulation too intense, so starting this way is going to give you an idea.
Circle one direction, and then circle the other direction around the clitoris. Then place one or two fingers directly onto the hood of the clitoris and move them into a circular motion, one direction, and then at some point, the opposite direction.
Vary the speed, intensity, and pressure for different sensations to find out what your partner likes best.
Open the lips of the vulva apart a little bit more, and gently tap the hood of the clitoris. Vary the speed again.
And come from different directions, like come down from 12 o’clock, come up from 6 o’clock and in from 3 and 9.
Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap… that’s a very pleasing sensation for a lot of women.
Now getting a little bit more specific – what you’re going to do is gently place a thumb and index finger on either side of the clitoris, feel down toward the base of it and gently roll between your thumb and index finger.
Do this very slowly and gently and increase the motion.
Ladies, with all of these exercises, speak up when it feels good or say ‘move on’ or ‘let’s try something else’ and give some direction to your partner because this is unexplored territory.
Learning new skills is going to be a fabulous thing for both of you. Be prepared to speak up and say what you like.
Here are a couple of more fun things to try. Some of these things can be done with oral techniques also. We’ll explore that later in another post.
Draw each letter of the alphabet on the clitoris with a finger.
Pay special attention to which letters feel the best. And in the future when you get really good at this exercise, you can yell out the words that you want to be spelled.
‘WOW’ and ‘XRAY’ are popular favorites.
Don’t be afraid for some vaginal action too -it’s all in the vulva area. The most sensitive nerve endings are right at the opening of the vagina.
A slow, gentle stimulation about an inch in the vagina is about all you really need unless directed otherwise.
Or, if you want to try a little g-spot stimulation, you can read our g-spot stimulation tips.
Drawing all these techniques together and massaging your partner to the point of great pleasure, great enjoyment or orgasm is the goal.
Trying these techniques out on yourself first is a great idea to find out what you like so you can tell your partner.
Mutual masturbation is not the way to start masturbation with your partner. It is best to do that after you feel comfortable with your partner.
Quite often it is the man masturbating first and the woman watching. The woman masturbating and letting the man watch usually comes later because that is a huge step for most women.
When you can truly do that and enjoy it, it opens up a whole new genre of new things that can be so much more fun.
Massage is definitely the easiest way to work into it.
For the guys, we know they are a lot more comfortable with their self-pleasure. So what us women need you to help us do is to explore you.
Hold your hand in the typical “OK” position, make a circle with one hand and massage up and down the shaft. That’s a great way to start. Most ladies are comfortable with that.
You can move the technique up a little bit and take both hands, lock the fingers together, and go up and down the shaft with both hands for a different feel.
You can wiggle your fingers while you do that. While you’ve got your hands locked together, rotate your hands around a little bit as you go up and down – kind of like you’re rotating a stick to try to start a fire, but do it gently.
Ladies, you can consider using other body parts on the penis too, like you’re mouth or your breasts.
Also, don’t ignore the rest of the ‘package’.
The guys have the testicles, so a little extra stimulation on the scrotal sac, testicle area, and perineum – the area between the testicles and the anus, is also very well accepted and appreciated.
A little finger tickle, a little more lubrication, a little extra stimulation, and maybe some more experimenting down the road can add to the fun and pleasure for the both of you.